


Exordium

by orphan_account



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - New Timeline, Angst, Companion Piece, Drama, F/M, My Sun and Rain, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 04:58:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16298576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Companion Piece for "My Sun And Rain" (set between chapter 13 and chapter 14)While on Ceres, Sinara receives a call.





	Exordium

**Author's Note:**

> This probably won't make a whole bunch of sense unless you read My Sun and Rain, so go do that first ;)

_Year: 2053_

_Location: Ceres_

 

Sinara’s fingers brushed over her terminal leaving marks on the blank screen. It would ring eventually, but she couldn’t bring herself to be the one to call.

Her stomach ached, dull and constant in a way that felt infinitely worse than any wound she’d ever received. She hadn’t moved in a few days due to the pain, but she wasn’t sleeping much either.

Someer was asleep in the cradle that attached to her cot. He slept a lot and he had only cried a handful of times, rarely the cause of her sleeplessness.

He was so small; she wasn’t particularly inclined to believe the doctors telling her there was nothing the matter with him.

But there he was, half buried in a grey blanket, never far away, tiny chest rising and falling as he slept on, eyes closed gently and lips just slightly parted.

The sight never did anything for her; she was far too afraid for that.

When she closed her eyes, she could see it; the wreckage of Astra, like it, was burned onto the back of her eyelids. The only thing she’d been able to think of for months. The rocks, the pieces of metal; wreckage of buildings, and ships, and infrastructure, the bodies of the many that hadn’t been saved; floating and collide in black space.

And they were all but helpless to stop the same fate from befalling Hala, or Ceres, or Kree-Lar, it wasn’t as though anyone was sure where it would stop.

She curled onto her side, her arm wrapping around her waist, eyes squeezing together involuntarily against the pain that shot through her stomach.

The terminal laying on the bed beside her beeped shrilly, the screen turning on to display the contact information. Kasius.

 _“It’ll be all right.”_ He’d told her so many months ago, curled in their bed on Hala. _“I’ll call.”_

There wasn’t a day that had gone past since then that she didn’t regret leaving Hala. Especially now, Kasius would’ve known what to do, where she didn’t. He’d probably read a hundred books covering everything he’d need to know by now, and he was millions of miles away on a planet that might break apart at any moment.

 He would’ve held her hand and maybe it would’ve been easier to not feel like she was being crushed by fear. Maybe she could have gotten to sleep for once.

The terminal chimed again and still she hesitated, fingers not quite responding the way she knew she needed too.

He would be devastated when she picked up the call, and there was nothing she could do to make it easier for him.

But she had to know he was all right, they hadn’t spoken in nearly four days.

Her fingers brushed over the screen again, and this time she forced herself to press ‘accept’, wincing in a strange anxious anticipation.

She grimaced; the wincing made her stomach hurt.

“Goodness, were you asleep?” Kasius sounded horrified. From what she could make out, he was sitting in their quarters in Hala. It was morning there, even though the world outside her window had long since gone dark, and he hadn’t gotten ready for the day yet; he was wearing a robe, his hair slightly out of place.

 _He’s safe_. Still the guilt at not even trying to reach out -- to be sure he was, for so many days, when Hala was at such high risk, barely shrank. It wasn’t important, it wasn’t something to concern him with.

Sinara shook her head, almost imperceptibly to minimize movement. “It’s fine.”

“I have been just worried sick about you, you’ve not called in ages. Or answered mine.”

Sinara stared back at him, unsure of how to proceed, how to not scare him, how to not hurt him.

“Where are you?” He asked, his voice softer than before. “You don’t look well.”

Something in Sinara’s chest squeezed, a sob; she hadn’t cried in long while, not since leaving Hala, and before that not since that last night on Ceres, so many years ago. The impulse almost surprised her.

“I’m all right.” She set the terminal aside and rolled onto her back, trying to prompt herself up against the pillow. She let herself fall back against them, biting back an exclamation of pain.

“Sinara?”

Settled, she retrieved the terminal from the mattress and held it out in front of her.

“You’re--”

She cut him off. “Don’t panic.”

“Don’t panic? Why would no one contact me? You’re in the hospital and I--”

“I don’t see why this is unexpected.”  

Kasius fell silent for a long moment, not looking at the camera on his terminal. She looked away from her terminal, feeling almost like she was intruding if she looked.

“You were supposed to call,” Kasius said finally, his voice was tight, and he was breathing a little shakily.

 _He’s crying. Damn it._ She knew she was too tired to not cry with him and tears burned her own eyes. “Sorry.”

“What-- are you-- is, no, did, ah--”

Sinara rotated the terminal to point towards Someer’s cradle, wishing her hands would stop shaking.

“The doctor says he’s healthy.” She said, cursing how choked her voice sounded, how far from reassuring she was. “He mostly sleeps, so you’re not missing much.”

Kasius made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. “That’s not quite how it feels.”

“Trust me, it’s not very fun. You would’ve fainted from the all blood, anyways.”

Kasius was quiet for a moment. “Would you turn the camera around?”

She did, just catching him brushing a tear from his lower eyelashes.

“How are you?”

“You don’t need to worry about me.” _I’m supposed to be worried about you._

“I think that’s all I can do, darling. It’s not as though I’m doing anything important here.”

“Leave, then. Come to Ceres.” She hadn't meant to sound like she was pleading with him. She’d done enough of that, and it had always ended in an argument.

“Sinara…”

She closed her eyes. “I know, sorry. I’m no good at this.”

Sinara set the terminal aside, leaning over to lift Someer out of his cradle and settled him in her lap. It hurt rather badly to move about so much, but when she was settled, she retrieved the terminal holding it so Kasius could see Someer. Disturbed by all the action, he opened his eyes a bit, arms flailing and shifting underneath his blanket. Then he stilled against, eyes falling shut, head leaning instinctively into her.

It was the first time it didn’t hurt every part of her to look at him closely. It wasn’t that she hadn’t wanted him to exist, it was just that everything was so terribly complicated, and she still had so much to learn.

“It looks like you’re doing just fine.” Kasius was smiling brightly, even though his eyes were glassy with tears and she could barely stand to look at him for it. 

“Maybe.” _It’s just that you’re supposed to be here too._ _You’re not supposed to never know Someer, or hold him. You’re supposed to be better than me at this._

“What happened?” Kasius asked. “Last I talked to you, you were having a meeting.”

“What happened at the meeting?” Sinara asked, not even bothering to hide her incredulity.

“No, darling, what happened.”

“That night, just,” Sinara gestured vaguely with the hand not supporting Someer.

“Were you in pain?”

“Not terribly.” It was a rather bold falsehood, but there was no reason for him to feel worse. “Women who complain about it are cowards.”

“You’re lying so I’ll not worry, aren’t you?” Kasius laughed.

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not worried, I feel a bit guilty though.”

 _Good._ It was something she didn’t need to say for him to hear it. “That’s all that’s happened.”

“Tell me about him.” He asked, softly as though he were half-scared to know the answer.

“His name is Someer, as agreed. He has your eyes and he sleeps a lot and cries very little.”

“He’s quiet? It must come from your side.” Kasius’s voice was a little stronger; a little less heartbroken in the gibe.

“He prefers being held, so, thank you for that.”

“Is he any good at glaring?” Kasius teased, any last traces of sadness disappearing from his voice.

Realizing that hers was gone too felt like a punch in the chest. _She missed him._

“Sinara, what is it?” Kasius’s voice shifted back to sounding soft and concerned.

“I wish you were here.” Her voice wavered on the last word and she swallowed hard against the catch in her throat. “You should have gotten to meet him. Or hold him. Or--”

“I will.” Kasius sounded confused. “Sinara, there will be time abound for it later, when it’s safe for both of you.”

“What if there isn’t?” Her voice hardened, sounding almost angry, even to herself. She brushed away a tear threatening to fall from her left eye. _Stupid._

Kasius was quiet for a long moment, holding her gaze and thinking of what he was going to say next. “Darling, I promise.”

But she could tell from his expression, the tense light behind his eyes and tension behind his smile; he was as sure as she was.

And she wasn’t particularly assured that they would.   _Unless…_

Sinara started, brushing another tear off her cheek. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

Kasius smiled, reassuringly, his image on the screen momentarily glitching; distorting his face and voice. “I’ve kept you up, I’m sorry.  I love you, give Someer a kiss for me, if that’s within your emotional abilities.”

“I love you too.”

Sinara ended the call and set aside her terminal before she couldn’t find it in her to hang up. She shifted until she was lying flat, Someer just beside her tucked between her arm and chest. She hesitated before pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. It wasn’t something she’d done before, and doing so felt like giving in to something. To having something else to lose.

“You’ll forgive me if I leave for a bit, won’t you?” She muttered.

Someer only stirred in his sleep slightly.

“I’ll be back in a few weeks at most. I have to help him.” She pressed another quick kiss to his forehead. _I promise._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always any feedback and/or freaking out is welcomed!  
> ~sinara-smith


End file.
